janis lago - crush ender

by Planex

Sun, 4 Dec 2022

Read in 3 minutes

Play shitty games, get shitty albums

Have you ever seen an adult cry in public? It’s sad, it’s embarrassing, you look away and pretend not to notice. You try to let them regain their dignity and prevent some shame. But, what are you supposed to do when they record it and release it as a 56 minute long album on business casual?

crush ender is a vapor glitch record that consists of fast vapor loops, noise, and the iPhone recorder ramblings of someone who forgot to take their antidepressants. These ramblings are not the dreamy vocals you might expect from your bizcas brand bulk discount vapor release, the vocals are just the artist talking into a voice recorder phone app about “wahh I’ll never experience love” and “wahh I got bad reviews on my music and it made me cry”. There’s at least 30 full minutes of this pathetic self-obsessed ranting. When I was 5 minutes into voice memos and I realized that the spoken word experience would not only continue for the remaining 6 minutes of this song, but also for the 40 minutes after it, I almost joined in on the mental breakdown.

thank no god (edit) is perhaps the best track on crush ender because it’s relatively short and it contains no vocals. However, it does have a snare sound roughly twice as loud as anything else in the track.

I’ve listened to just about every release from business casual for 4 years and this album shatters the previous floor. The first and only  0/10 I’ve officially rated as a member of the Vortex was on another business casual release from 2020. Hustle Flesh’s Recluse Syndicate was terrible. Front-loaded with boring electronic loops and poor production, it felt extremely lazy. The album finished on a freestyle where the artist rapped about his 40 subscribers while playing Resident Evil 4. Throughout the song you can hear the game being played, and you can hear his gamer chair squeaking as he moves. But now, having heard crush ender, I have a new appreciation for what a 0/10 is. I would like to revise my Hustle Flesh rate to a 1/10.

Finally, I would like to address the actual business of business casual. Releasing an album of such poor quality to the paying subscribers is almost fraudulent. These people typically expect chill vapor beats to relax / study to, and instead they receive this worthless sob story of an album. Where’s the quality control? If I were a bizcas subscriber I would cancel my monthly payment. If I were a bystander to crush ender, I would look away.